MEET THE COLLECTIVE

Here's where we introduce you to our brilliant team, the TEN OF CLUBS COLLECTIVE.

In this incisive interview, you'll meet our model, accomplished jack-of-all-trades and extensively-tattooed World of Warcraft wizard, Tyler. For bad movies, great takeaway, oil paintings and architecture-loving dictators, read on!

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Please introduce yourself.

I'm Tyler. I'm 26. Yeah, short and sweet. What do I do at TEN OF CLUBS? Anything you all want me to. I mean, I’m adaptable: modelling, packing orders, stocktaking, you name it, it’s all good. 

What TV shows do you like?

Vikings, Game of Thrones, anything medieval. I like history.

I also watch a lot of Cartoon Network. Have you seen Ed, Edd n Eddy? It’s about three brothers, but they’re all like hella weird. That’s the thing with Cartoon Network, their stuff is so dark. When you grow up you realise Cartoon Network is actually for adults.

Do you have a favourite TOC item?

I like our Jaws Tee. That’s my favourite, although I've cut mine up to make it into a vest. We should do vests.

We should. Do you like any other clothing brands?

No, TEN OF CLUBS is the best and only one.

What would you rate 10 out of 10?

Chinese food. I mean British takeaway Chinese food, not actual Chinese food. No matter how bad it is, the grease just makes it good.

What’s your favourite drink?

Cranberry juice. I like how dry it is. It's like my personality.

What skill would you like to master?

How not to stutter. I stutter when I get excited. I just can't get the words out fast enough. My brain's going at 100 miles an hour and my mouth can't keep up. It's like those old, badly-dubbed kung fu films.

I’m stuttering now because I’m talking about it.

Well, let’s talk about something else. What's the best way to start the day?

Do a work out. It sets you up for the day. I used to love lifting weights, but now any exercise will do. Just do something energetic. Don't just roll out of bed, get dressed and go straight to work.

What’s something loads of people are obsessed with but you don't see the point of?

Social media. I hate social media! Don't have it. Don't want it. Don't care about it. I get that it’s the future, but it's just turned everyone so toxic.

What's your favourite movie?

I’m not the kind of person that keeps going back to the same movies. I’m very much, seen it once, don’t need to see it again.

Anyway, why would you ask me that? I mean, you’ve seen my movie choices! My taste in films is bad. Think of the things I’ve made us watch. Epic Movie!

Yeah, Epic Movie was uncommonly bad, even for you. What film title best sums up your life?

The World's End.

There's cheery. What kind of art do you like best?

Oil paintings, without question. Portraits or landscapes. I love old oil paintings, back from between the 1650s and 1800s. That stuff’s cool as fuck!

I’m not good with names, but artists like Reynolds, Gainsborough, Constable.

Which city would you most like to live in?

Edinburgh. I just love the look of the place. I love Scotland and old buildings and architecture. My nan used to tell me to watch out because Hitler liked architecture and, if I did too, I might turn out like him.

That's quite a leap. How do you like to relax after a busy day?

Just sitting at my PC, playing games. At the moment, I’m playing a lot of Escape from Tarkov.

I used to be obsessed with Gears of War when I was younger. I was really good at that. I’ll have times when I’m really into World of Warcraft, but I don’t know if that’s because it’s good or just addictive as fuck.

What’s something you’ve achieved that you’re especially proud of?

Moving away from home. I don’t mean moving out; I mean moving away from your hometown, to where you don’t know anyone and you can’t get assistance from anyone.

It makes you stand on your own two feet and find out who you really are. I was always so scared of doing it. The fact that I actually did it surprised me. You don't really grow up till you move away.

When you can't decide what to listen to, who are your go-to bands or artists?

Hmm… I listen to a very varied mix of music. I know, let’s check my Spotify.

Well, apparently, the artists I’m listening to most at the moment are Lil Peep and, at the other end of the scale, Andrea Bocelli, for some reason. That wasn’t what I was expecting.

Nor us! What irrational fears or phobias do you have?

Everything! Everything scares the crap out of me. Like, I can't go into a building without first thinking about how many people are in there and if they're all gonna stare at me when I walk through the door.

I work myself up, make myself anxious over things I don't need to be anxious about. When I started kickboxing, I sat outside for half an hour because there were people in there. Of course there were people in there; I was there to join them!

What’s your favourite smell?

Barbecue food. When someone's cooking chicken wings and ribs. So good!

If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

Sit in front of my PC playing games. You all know that’s true.

What’s the best book you’ve ever read?

My problem is, I don’t often finish books. I’ll get halfway through and then decide I want to read a different book. What you should ask me is what’s the best half-book I’ve read.

What’s the best half-book you’ve read?

'Can't Hurt Me' by David Goggins. Great half-book!

What's something you will never do again?

Move back to Milton Keynes.

Which of your scars has the best story?

I've got a scar on my stomach from when I fell out of a tree when I was a kid. The scar's only like six inches now, but it seemed massive when I was little.

Dad told me not to climb the tree. I climbed it, then I fell out of it. As I fell, there was a branch poking out that sliced all my stomach. I remember there being a lot of blood.

Other than climbing trees, what’s the dumbest thing you've done?

Many things. I’ve always done weird shit. I once told this girl I fancied that I couldn't feel pain and headbutted a wall to prove it. She was like, that wasn’t hard enough, grabbed my head, and smashed it into the wall.

It hurt like hell! I was so dizzy, but I just stood there, with blood coming down my face, going, nah, didn’t feel it. I don’t think she believed me.

Probably not. Thanks, Tyler, is there anything else you'd like the world to know about you?

No. If I wanted people to know more about me, I’d have social media.

Fair point. Any final words?

Thanks if you’ve bought stuff from us. If you haven’t, why not? You're missing out. 

March 2024

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